I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
