My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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