This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize