you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
