Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
