if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
