Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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