Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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