i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
