yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
