Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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