i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
