Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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