i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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