Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
