Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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