i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
