Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize