I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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