Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
