Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
