i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
