lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
