i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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