Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
