And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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