how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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