ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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