and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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