the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
