Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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