Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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