Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
