This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize