have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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