So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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