Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
