I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
