This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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