if you like me you must not know who I am
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't shave. On purpose
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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