tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
