After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
