my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
