Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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