I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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