As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
