If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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