pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
