When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
