Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
