I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize