How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
