So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
