I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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