i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can I color on your dick again?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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