If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
