please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
