shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
