Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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